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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23787133">Ain't Together</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/gelos/pseuds/gelos'>gelos</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Captain America (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguing, Endearments, Friends With Benefits, Getting Together, Hurt Steve Rogers, Insecure Steve Rogers, Internalized Homophobia, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pining, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-World War II Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Protective Bucky Barnes, Slow Dancing, Steve Rogers Feels</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 21:54:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,951</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23787133</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/gelos/pseuds/gelos</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>""You got nothing on the dozens of girls at the club.”</p><p>“Shut up, Buck. You can’t be serious.”</p><p>“I am, though. I am,” Bucky tilts his head a little, managing to look Steve in the eyes. “Haven’t been this serious about anything in my life.”</p><p>“Where are you going with this?”</p><p>Bucky had nothing to say, and Steve wasn’t surprised. Wasn’t this the million-dollar question? Where were they going with this? With the soft pining and the strong feelings of possession over one another; with the nights slept together and the days barely being able to hold each other; with not being able to tell how they felt cause then it would turn it a real thing. It hurt to react like this to Bucky’s heartfelt confession. He knew Bucky meant what he said, but Steve couldn’t help but feel a little afraid for himself. Bucky will probably have a nice life, get a good job, find the right girl. For Steve things aren’t this easy. When Bucky finally sees what they have can’t be, at least in the long run, what’ll happen to little Stevie, then?"</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>164</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Ain't Together</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainKittah/gifts">CaptainKittah</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I gift this work to captainkittah cause they were there when I had this idea, and they helped everytime I had a doubt about where to go next. They also betad this fic. So in truth I feel like without them, I know I would've given up on it at some point. Thank you sm alex, you're amazing!</p><p>Some other things I'd like to say: part of the kiss was heavily inspired by the song Lips by The xx, and the tittle is from the song Ain't Together by King Princess.  This fic is also a remake of a ficlet I posted on tumblr. This version is wayyy better! Also.. I know nothing about how clubs were in the 30's so pls, don't be too hard on me. </p><p>Hope you enjoy &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first time Steve had gone out to a night of dancing with Bucky, he stayed until closing time with hope he would find someone to dance with, that same hope fading a bit every time a girl looked away when he dared to glance their way. Watching Bucky get all close and personal with girls he barely knew wasn’t the best thing either. One hand on a random girl’s waist, another on her tiny, perfectly smooth hand, surrounded by other couples dancing.</p><p>It had driven Steve mad to a point where he actually considered leaving. What stopped him though, were the little glances Bucky stole his way once in a while. Steve had been all the way over at the bar and still Bucky found him. That night, he’d hold the look for a few seconds before continuing the dance, smiling at the girl he’d been holding in his arms.</p><p>The way he’d found Steve with just a look, knowing where he was sitting at the bar and somehow knowing Steve was looking at him dance in the first place – it had sent chills down his back. In the end the feeling of being noticed by the one person who truly mattered in that dance hall stopped Steve from feeling invisible and unwanted, even if just for a few seconds.</p><p>That night, when they arrived home and went to sleep on the only tiny bed they have in their apartment, Bucky moved close to Steve and held him in his arms. The tip of his nose and his lips on Steve’s neck.</p><p>“I’m sorry you had to see that,” a whisper.</p><p>Steve took a deep breath, relaxed into Bucky’s embrace, and fell asleep.</p>
<hr/><p>When Bucky invited him one more time today of course he knew what the night could (and would) have reserved for him: barely getting to drink beer because the bartender refuses to believe he’s old enough and only serves him when Bucky vets for him (once again); Sitting at the bar going unnoticed; Watching girls purposely not looking at him; Watching Bucky dance almost all songs.</p><p>“Bucky… I don’t know…”</p><p>“What’s wrong?”</p><p>“You know what. Nobody will dance with me and I’ll just spend the whole evening sitting down trying to make myself invisible.”</p><p>“C’mon-“</p><p>“You know it’s true, Buck. No girl will ever look at me and think ‘Now, that’s someone I wanna dance with’. Not when there’s another dozen guys there who look like you,” Steve waved a dismissive hand in Bucky’s direction, brushing off Bucky’s attempts at making him feel better.</p><p>They were in the kitchen, having just eaten lunch. When Bucky heard Steve’s words, he stopped doing the dishes almost immediately and faced Steve.</p><p>“Steve, you deserve to have fun too. I’m sorry I left you alone all night last time,” he looked down, almost in shame. “What do you say if we have a guys night out? I’ll spend the whole time with you, at the bar. We can talk and drink a few beers, get out of the house…”</p><p>“I don’t wanna ruin your night.”</p><p>“No, no. You won’t. So.. is that a yes?”</p><p>Steve wanted to say no. He knew he’d be a burden. He knew Bucky would have all the women there looking at him, trying to get to him to dance.</p><p>And yet he said yes. He said yes because going out was still better than staying at home. He said yes because the mere prospect of having Bucky’s full attention for one night while surrounded by other people (who very much craved Bucky’s attention too) was enough to make his little heart almost beat out of its cage.</p>
<hr/><p>The minute he walked in, Steve was engulfed by the music and the loud sounds of people talking and laughing. They weren’t even inside for two minutes and Bucky was already saying hello and greeting a bunch of people, although never leaving Steve’s side. He didn’t introduce his friends to Steve because he’d already done the first time they came to this place. Steve just didn’t make a big enough impression for the same people to manage a “hello” his way this time.</p><p>Bucky kept his promise though. He stayed with Steve at the bar and they talked about all the things they usually talk about at home, but this time with beer and music as a background noise. They were both in a good mood. Steve had been managing not to get sick for weeks straight now and it showed. He felt ok, nice. Bucky said so too. ‘You look nice, Stevie.’ Steve tried not to think too much of it, he knew perfectly what Bucky meant. He looked healthy, and that’s always nice when you’re sick more often than not.</p><p>The conversation flew by the hours. Bucky lost track of how many beers he’d had, while Steve had three, and that was two too many. Their laughs now mingled with everyone else’s in the room, the loud noises seemed to not bother him anymore. Steve was having the best time in months.</p><p>“You sure you don’t wanna dance? I’ll be fine, you already spent enough time with me.”</p><p>Bucky’s cheeks were slightly red, and he wore a big smile on his face.</p><p>“You kidding? I’m having the best time. Won’t leave this seat. And anyway, if I dance tonight it sure won’t be with any girl here.”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“You know what I mean, punk.”</p><p>“I really don’t, Buck…” Steve’s eyes narrowed, brows furrowed.</p><p>“What do you say we go home? We still got a few of these in the fridge...” he said while holding a beer in his hand.</p><p>“Yeah, sure… Had too much to drink already, didn’t you,” Steve let out a chuckle.</p><p>“Shut up. Like you didn’t.”</p><p>Sure, Steve was having fun, and it was nice not to be inside. But Steve could see the alcohol was getting to Bucky. What really mattered was being with him. <em>Where</em> didn’t really bother Steve, and to be honest, home really did sound comfortable at this hour of the night.</p><p>Once outside, the chilly air served to sober them up a bit, making their blood pump a little faster. Roaming the nearly empty streets home, Bucky found his way closer and closer to Steve - the same way he did every night when they went to sleep, with limbs overlapping, shared breaths and unspoken things. Bucky’s hands held Steve’s. They let the touch linger only for a moment, warm hands contrasting against the cold of the night.</p><p>They both had too much to drink. The part of them that had always stayed secret to everybody else and to the outside world was starting to rise up.</p><p>“Stevie…I like your hair, it smells nice. Have I ever told you that?” Bucky had his nose on Steve’s hair, and his hand on Steve’s lower neck.</p><p>They were still walking home, just a little slower than usual.</p><p>“Buck.. what the hell are you saying. People might hear.”</p><p>“Fuck them.”</p><p>“Yup… I think it’s time to get home.” Steve couldn’t believe he was the sober one between them.</p><p>He boosted Bucky to walker a little faster,</p><p>“I-” Bucky started.</p><p>“Just.. don’t say anything. Not right now. Keep walking.”</p><p>When they got home and closed the front door, Bucky took Steve by his wrist, pulled him closer enough for them to feel each other’s breaths; close enough for Bucky to put his arm around Steve’s waist as if they were dancing.</p><p>Steve inhaled sharply at the movement.</p><p>“Stevie…”</p><p>Yet again that nickname, yet again Bucky saying it like <em>that</em> and breaking Steve’s heart in half. The nickname wasn’t new, of course. Bucky called Steve by this nickname ever since they were little. As they grew, though, the nickname became more and more rare on Bucky’s lips. It made sense, a term of endearment such as this wasn't a habit for a teenager or a young adult to call his friend. It spoke of closeness, intimacy. It had become a thing for their own, something only to be spoken between them, in times of distress or affection. The closest thing Steve had of this was “Buck”.</p><p>They were so close that, in the dark, there was no clue where one started and the other began. They were a single shadow.</p><p>“What song do you wanna dance to?” Bucky asked. He was pushing Steve to sway, moving him out of the hall and further into the one and only big room in their house.</p><p>“What are you doing?” Steve managed a little chuckle between his accelerated heartbeats.</p><p>“As I said earlier… If I’m dancing tonight it’s not with any girl,” Bucky had this determined look in his eye, Steve could see it due to the dim lighting, the result of the soft moonlight breaking into the curtains. “It’s with you.”</p><p>The only thing Steve thought to stay was “But there’s no music…”</p><p>“Just imagine one in that head of yours, and sway with me. C’mon.”</p><p>And they did. The room was silent as it could be at this time of night. Sunlight still far from appearing, this little space they called home was once again entirely theirs, entirely theirs to do as they wanted, far from anyone’s eyes.</p><p>A moment or two later,</p><p>“Why hadn’t I thought of this before…”</p><p>“What, dancing with me?”</p><p>“Yeah.. You got nothing on the dozens of girls at the club.”</p><p>“Shut up, Buck. You can’t be serious.”</p><p>“I am, though. I am,” Bucky tilts his head a little, managing to look Steve in the eyes. “Haven’t been this serious about anything in my life.”</p><p>“Where are you going with this?” Steve stopped in his tracks, getting himself out of Bucky’s hold. They were now standing in front of each other in the middle of the room.</p><p>Bucky had nothing to say, and Steve wasn’t surprised. Wasn’t this the million-dollar question? Where were they going with this? With the soft pining and the strong feelings of possession over one another; with the nights slept together and the days barely being able to hold each other; with not being able to tell how they felt cause then it would turn it a real thing. It hurt to react like this to Bucky’s heartfelt confession. He knew Bucky meant what he said, but Steve couldn’t help but feel a little afraid for himself. Bucky will probably have a nice life, get a good job, find the right girl. For Steve things aren’t this easy. When Bucky finally sees what they have can’t be, at least in the long run, what’ll happen to little Stevie, then?</p><p>“What? I-… I don’t know, Steve. I- I just want you..”</p><p>“You can’t <em>just</em> want me. You can’t say things like that and then pretend you never said them the next day. You can’t sleep in the same bed as me, hold me at night, and then go out dancing with tons of girls the night after, and even apologize for it. What does that even mean?”</p><p>“Steve…” Bucky closes the distance between them once again. He bowed his head down and put his forehead on Steve’s. Steve let him.</p><p>Steve was so mad. His breathing was almost hasty, his hands were slightly sweaty. He noticed the way Bucky started to breathe in and out of his nose, inviting Steve to do the same, and moving his hands up and down his arms. Bucky was trying to calm him down like he always does. They stood like this for about maybe a minute. Steve wasn’t sure if he should love or hate Bucky for knowing him so well, knowing how much Steve needed to calm down first before they continued this very important discussion.</p><p>“I know the situation we’re in, and I’m not asking for grand romantic gestures of anything. I <em>just</em> want us to acknowledge this thing-this unspoken thing that’s been here for years and it’s driving me up the walls and I can’t, Bucky. I can’t do this anymore. Not when you act like you do every single day!”</p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>It felt sincere. God it felt sincere. Bucky continued calming Steve down, but this time Steve could also see him fighting something within him. He felt him unsure of his movements, of what to do next.</p><p>Surprisingly to Steve, Bucky pulled him even closer, arms coming tighter around him, making him feel smaller but in a comfortable and safe way. Steve always feels smaller, lesser when around everybody else. But Bucky, although he’s a ton heavier than him, broad shouldered and admittedly higher than him, has the contrary effect. Bucky makes him feel protected (and although he tries to argue, he never minds when it’s him), and safem like no bad thing in the world is going to affect him.</p><p>“God, I’m so sorry… I never meant – I never…Steve. You’re important to me. I-“</p><p>“I can’t shake the feeling this is something that you’ll eventually regret,” Steve murmured. This time, after all Steve had said and confessed, a tear shed from his eyes. It streamed down his cheek and stopped when it reached the edge of his jaw. Steve let it stream. He knew there were more from where that came from, and he also knew he was probably a second away from letting them all out. <em>You’ll eventually regret this </em>continued echoing through his mind, and in it, the phrase hit all the wrong places. It made him sadder than he’d ever felt, because now he expressed his biggest fear out loud to the most important person he’s ever had in his life - and coincidently the person who made him have such fears and anxieties. Ironically, he was also the same person comforting him right now, holding him in his embrace. Steve knew, for sure, this was the most vulnerable he’s ever felt.</p><p>Just like Steve predicted, tears started to flow down his face. Bucky released his embrace; his hands moved to Steve’s face and he wiped the tears with his thumbs. Steve risked looking up and faced Bucky.</p><p>What he saw amazed him a bit. A pained expression painted Bucky’s face, his eyes were watery, and he was blinking to keep the tears from forming. Their eyes met – the world stood still for a few seconds.</p><p>“Remember not long ago we went to Rockaway Beach? I bought you that coke, played some games with you. That day… Steve, that day nobody else mattered but you. Not the girl you thought I was trying to impress or her friend… It wasn’t even supposed to be a double date but you suggested it and I-“ Bucky breathed in, let a few seconds pass by, “Remember how when we were lying in the sand, Dot and Betty were by the water, you caught me staring at you and you asked ‘<em>what? Do I have something on my face?’</em> because you’re an idiot. I couldn’t stop looking at you. Your hair was all mussed up from the wind, and although you mom made you promise you didn’t put on your sunscreen so your cheeks were getting slightly pink… your eyes were the bluest I’ve ever seen them.”</p><p>Steve moved away from Bucky’s space, letting his arms fall. He looked at Bucky with his brows furrowed, jaw slightly clenched and eyes still yet.</p><p>“Where are you getting at, here?” There was a long pause while Steve tried to collect his thoughts, like he was still trying to understand, “You’re saying you felt all this, and you never said it? You never told me- You don’t act the way you feel. How am I-“</p><p>“What was I supposed to say? We weren’t alone. What are you asking of me?”</p><p>“I don’t know. Just- What am I to you? Am I your best friend who you occasionally fool around with?”</p><p>“How can you say that?”</p><p>“How can I <em>not</em>? That’s all we’ve ever been, right?”</p><p>Bucky went to grab Steve’s arms, the grip around them tight - alcohol buzz long gone, “Listen to me, please.” The tone, unlike the grip, wasn’t demanding or brute. It was more like a plea, soft; a prayer. “I would <em>never</em> do that to you.”</p><p>“Then, please –“</p><p>“You’re putting me between a rock and a hard place, Stevie. You know what people think of people who do what we do behind closed doors.”</p><p>“I don’t care about other people. I care about you! What you think we are, what I mean to you!” Steve, freeing his arms from Bucky’s hold, promptly points his right index finger to Bucky’s chest.</p><p>“You mean the world to me. No one makes me feel like you do. Not Dot, not anyone.”</p><p>Steve startled at the phrase. The sudden honesty and straightforwardness hit him like a tidal wave.</p><p>Bucky continued, now taking a distance from Steve, “Before you got all worked up about this, did you stop to think, to consider, even, my actions towards you? I know I’m not fair. I know I go on dates and I dance with girls, but that is one way to, I don’t know, deal with the fact that if someone finds out about us, sees the way I look at you, the way I light up whenever I see you, or the way I touch you, they might hurt us? I don’t know what to do, Steve. I don’t know where to go from here cause I love you and I would love to scream it to the world but I want to protect us too and right now, in the world we live in, there’s no way I can do both.”</p><p>“I-“</p><p>“What do you think is happening when we sleep together every night ever since we moved in together, when we’re cuddling on the goddamn sofa and I let you put your hands up my sweater because you’re freezing? Jesus, Steve, I know every inch of your skin, every damn freckle there is in your body. I know how you sound like when you want more of me, how you love when I kiss you goodbye in the mornings. What more can I say?”</p><p>“You just said it…”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“You said you loved me…”</p><p>It was super quick; Bucky said like it was something at the back of his mind, a known fact, something he’d already admit to himself a long time ago. Steve listened to it and had to focus hard to hear what Bucky said after that. Something inside him cracked when he understood Bucky’s as lost as him, and that what he feels is real. As real as rain in a cold November morning, as real as the sun that sets every evening. Steve got so lost in his own insecurities and spiraled so bad he completely lost perspective on the big picture.</p><p>“Yeah, you idiot. Of course, I do.” Bucky’s whole demeanor changed. Just before he was a bit hectic, arms up and frustrated, clearly trying to make his point. Now, he stood in front of Steve with his arms down. He spoke with resolve and determination.</p><p>“Do you mean it?”</p><p>“Have I ever lied to you? Do you think I’d really lie about something this serious?”</p><p>“No…”</p><p>Bucky took the two steps he needed to be once again closer to Steve, and said, “Nothing hurts me more than to know I’ve made you feel like this. I’m sorry.”</p><p>With the swiftest of moves, Bucky’s lips found Steve’s. Steve had come to learn that Bucky Barnes had a particularity to him in the way he gave and took from kisses. Never with him a kiss is just a kiss, but a whole experience. Bucky gives himself whole- his voice, his shadow, his love, his soul. When he kisses Steve, his name on Bucky’s lips, his air in his lungs, bodies pressed up together and adrenaline in their veins, Steve feels a different kind of high. This one kiss is no exception. Steve had no intention to know his way down from it. His bottom lip was between Bucky’s, and he could feel Bucky growing impatient for something, hungry and frustrated, containing himself. Steve broke the kiss, nose nudging the side of Bucky’s as they breathed into each other’s mouths for a few seconds. It didn’t take long for them to dive into a second, deeper touch of lips. Shaking, Steve found his hands on Bucky’s neck, his shoulders, his upper arms, while Bucky’s arms remained around his waist, holding him tight. Steve never felt something so quite intense in his life.</p><p>“You need to listen to this very carefully, Stevie,” Bucky’s breathing was short and quick when he broke the kiss once again, “I could never regret you, never.” He gently leaned his head down so his forehead would touch Steve’s, “I know I’m yours and you’re mine. I’m sorry I haven’t said it often… I’m sorry.”</p><p>He had said it sometimes, in the past. Always when they were making love to each other. Bucky would say it between breaths, into Steve’s skin. <em>You’re mine.</em> Steve always thought it was a heat of the moment kind of thing.</p><p>“Buck…”</p><p>“I won’t do it anymore…The dating, the dancing. I’ll stop.”</p><p>Steve shook his head slightly.</p><p>“I’m serious,” Bucky breathed between them.</p><p>“What will you say to people?”</p><p>“I don’t care.”</p><p>“I’m serious, Bucky.”</p><p>“And I’m not?...I’ll find a way. <em>We’ll </em>find a way.” Bucky paused for a moment, collecting his thoughts, before continuing, “You know Mary from down the block? I could invite her to dance.”</p><p>“Why her?”</p><p>“Well, I have it in very good authority that she won’t mind me using her for a little platonic dancing once in a while… she and her special pal have been living together for as long as we have.”</p><p>“Oh…”</p><p>“Yeah.. And of course I’ll dance with you too, he-.”</p><p>“I love you too,” Steve said, not really paying attention to the last thing Bucky said. The words burst out of him when he realized he hadn’t said it back.</p><p>“Yeah… I know, punk.”</p><p>Steve blushed, his gaze never leaving Bucky, never once truly believing this was happening. He wished he could tell it all to Bucky: How even though what he felt hadn’t changed – not really, because it was impossible for it to go away so easily – he understood he was a bit unfair to Bucky, and had been every time he resented him for his actions when he was still trying to figure things out, when he was thinking of their safety first. In some fucked up way, he was doing what he thought was best. Steve couldn’t blame him for it, not when he didn’t even try to talk to him about it before and lashed out when eventually it was all too much. Steve wished he could say all of this, but he had a lump in his throat, his eyes were swelling with tears once again threatening to fall. He felt sad because the world couldn’t have them as they were, sad because he couldn’t see a good long term solution, sad since all he wanted was to hold Bucky and be held by him all the time. He couldn’t. Not really.</p><p>And yet, he had Bucky looking down at him, with big worried eyes, trying to make better of a fucked up situation and not giving up on them. Steve had no clue what the future had in store for them. Today he found out he had his best friend, his lover, the one he can call his, by his side. As long that’s true, long term solutions can wait; he’ll live one day at a time.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Comments and Kudos would honestly make my day. I would love to know what you think of this fic &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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